


Phantom Touch

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, M/M, survivor's guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 13:59:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1901652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He could still feel Kurt in his arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt by anonymous: In Prom Queen, Kurt got attacked and he died in Blaines arms. He won’t let go of Kurts body as he cries and he has to be dragged away. Since that day, he just spirals downhill and stops eating, drinking etc. nothing nobody can do will help him, he’s lost

He had heard that when people died they looked like they were sleeping.

But as Blaine held Kurt’s too stiff body, looked into his half open dull eyes, felt the warmth seeping from his body, he was horrifyingly aware that he looked dead.

Maybe it was an accident like the jocks said. They had just pushed Kurt and he had fallen just right, catching his neck on the curb. It didn’t matter. All he could remember was screaming Kurt’s name and falling to his knees as they jocks fled.

It took Mr. Shuester to drag him away so the paramedics could move Kurt, so they could put him in a bag, so they could leave slowly without the sirens. They hysteria continued and Blaine didn’t stop screaming until his mother finally got there and wrapped him in her arms.

After that, he was silent.

Blaine curled up on his bed and refused to move. He felt so heavy, like he was being crushed. The phantom pressure of Kurt’s body in his arms was always there, making his arms ache terribly.

Two days after Kurt’s death, Cooper came and, without a word, climbed into Blaine’s bed with him. The brothers held each other for hours, Blaine sobbing hoarsely into his shoulder for all the firsts he had lost.

His first boyfriend.

His first true kiss.

The chance at a first time with Kurt.

The chance of a first dance as husbands.

The chance of holding their first child.

His first love.

As Kurt’s funeral came nearer and nearer, Blaine began to wither. He refused to eat or drink so his parents and Cooper had to force him. His mother went out and got him a new suit since he had torn the one he wore to prom in his haste to rip it off after the ambulance took Kurt away.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t wear a suit and look at Kurt’s dead face.

It wasn’t denial. Blaine knew Kurt was dead, he was very aware of this fact. He just wished that his last memory was of Kurt dancing with him, all soft eyes and beautiful smile, and not of him laying on the dirty pavement.

So, Blaine closed his eyes and turned away from the heartbreak on his family’s face when he refused to leave his bed. He ignored the worried whispers outside of his bed. He ignored the hunger and thirst. It didn’t matter anymore.


	2. Rekindle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sequel to Phantom Touch? Blaine partly blames himself for Kurt’s death and it eats him alive. Burt comes around and they have a heart to heart? XO

It was strange how  _normal_  life seemed after the funeral. Burt still woke up every morning and made a cup of coffee. He still went to the shop and he still took his boots off at the door. But, everything seemed dimmer. The house seemed dull without Kurt’s bright energy.

He had thought his life was over when Elizabeth had died in the car accident. He never dreamed that his son would die in an accident as well.

And the world kept spinning and he kept breathing.

**_Dad, worrying is not good for your heart._ **

**_I just know you’ll binge eat unhealthy food._ **

**_Just keep going dad, you know that this gets better._ **

He could constantly hear his son’s voice in his head and it was soothing. The grief still cut like a knife, he still had nightmares about his baby boy laying in that coffin. Kurt wouldn’t want him to drown in that grief and depression. Kurt was the reason that he survived Elizabeth’s death and if he stopped living, it would just disgrace his memory.

“Hello?” He answered his phone, still feeling like he was running on autopilot.

“Mr. Hummel?” A hushed voice spoke from the other end. “My name is Andrew Anderson, Blaine’s father. We met at the funeral?”

Burt remembered him. The day had been a haze but Blaine stood out clearly in his mind. He had been flanked by his parents, their worried glances following their son constantly. Eyes blank, Blaine looked exactly like Burt had felt.

“Of course,” Burt nodded and he heard Andrew sigh.

“I’m terribly sorry for calling, I know that this is probably the last thing you need. Ever since…that night Blaine has been drowning,” a sob came through the phone. “I know that I shouldn’t call you but I don’t know what else to do. He’s not eating, not sleeping, not moving. We’re scared that we’re going…”

To lose their son, Burt thought with a clenching chest. “I don’t mind. Blaine is still family to us.”

“He won’t speak to us. We’ve tried everything,” Andrew said softly. “Would you mind?”

“I can come over this afternoon.”

The Anderson’s looked desperate. Lisa had smudges of mascara, the obvious sign of hastily wiped tears and Andrew’s shoulders were slumped badly. With a small sob, Lisa flung her arms around Burt’s neck and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you so much,” she whispered. “We didn’t know who else to call.”

Burt just smiled and followed them to Blaine’s room. It was dark and completely silent as he stepped in, the Anderson’s staring after him.

“Blaine?” He stepped closer to the bundle on the bed.

Blaine was wrapped tightly in a quilt and glanced up at him as he walked in. For a moment, Burt almost didn’t recognize him. His hair was loose from gel and slightly greasy, hanging into his pale face. It had been two weeks since the funeral but he looked like he hadn’t eaten or slept in months.

“Hi Mr. Hummel,” he whispered, voice hoarse.

“You know,” Burt said after a long silence. “Kurt wouldn’t want this. He wouldn’t want you to kill yourself over this.”

Blaine closed his eyes tightly. “Kurt wouldn’t like that it was my fault that he died either.”

“It was an accident,” Burt reached forward to rub his back. “Believe me, I struggled with that as well but it was an accident.”

“I didn’t even want to go to the prom,” Blaine wiped furiously at his face. “Then he won queen and was so upset. I asked him if he wanted to go home and he said no. I should have fought harder. I should have convinced him not to go to the prom…or to leave or…”

He dissolved into sobs and Burt felt like his heart was breaking. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I didn’t move fast enough when he pushed him,” Blaine choked out. “He died because he brought me to his prom.”

Not for one moment, one second had Burt ever blamed Blaine for this. He had only really ever met the kid a few times but he could so easily how deeply in love he was. Blaine’s life revolved around Kurt and now he was gone.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Burt said again and Blaine’s face crumpled.

Blaine’s composure had impressed him and it made him feel uncomfortable to see him so broken. His eyes were blank and so…dead. A sharp pain, something different from the constant ache, sliced through his chest when he realized that two boys had actually died that night.

“I feel like it was,” Blaine whispered.

Burt pulled the boy into a tight hug, rubbing his back gently. A first, Blaine was still but slowly he began to relax. He let out a sob and buried his face into Burt’s chest.

“I miss him,” Blaine’s voice cracked.

“Me too,” Burt blinked away tears. “I miss him so much. He wouldn’t want you to be this sad though, he wouldn’t want you to stop living.”

“We had all these plans, you know?” Blaine twisted his fingers into Burt’s shirt. “I was thinking about transferring. We were talking about New York and then…”

Burt nodded, feeling like he was trying to hold together a boy who was shattering. “I had always dreamed about his wedding. I thought about seeing him stand up at the alter with the boy he loved, maybe you.”

Blaine stiffened. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“Remember him,” Burt gently rocked him back and forth. “That’s all we have to do. I’m going to keep going and you’re going to keep going. You’re going to be on Broadway and you’re going to live your life. Live it for Kurt.”

Blaine nodded. He was still trembling and clinging to Burt, but something in his eyes had changed. A small fire had rekindled in his eyes, some little part of the old Blaine had been reborn.


End file.
